


Creep

by spookyawards_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-05
Updated: 2004-09-05
Packaged: 2019-04-27 07:44:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14420781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyawards_archivist/pseuds/spookyawards_archivist
Summary: Mulder spends some time evaluating himself and his relationship with his partner. He thinks he's lost her to another man. Was he right? I think not.





	Creep

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Spooky Awards](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Spooky_Awards), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [SpookyAwards' collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/spookyawards/profile).

 

Creep

## Creep

### by Cybill

> TITLE: Creep  
>  AUTHOR: Cybill   
>  **RATING: NC-17**  
>  **CLASSIFICATION: MSR, SMUT**  
>  SPOILERS: Season 5 somewhere  
>  KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully Romance  
>  DISCLAIMER: If I owned them, they'd never make it out of bed to investigate. 
> 
> SUMMARY: Mulder spends some time evaluating himself and his relationship with his   
>  partner. He thinks he's lost her to another man. Was he right? I think not. 
> 
> FEEDBACK: Honestly, feedback is one of the things that keeps an author writing. That, or the desire to get M and S in bed   
>  together. It's a toss up really. _grin_ This was my first attempt at what I'd guess you'd call "songfic". I'd be honored to hear what you think. 
> 
> If you liked this one, and would like to read another smutty tale, visit my website with Xfilesopus at [www.cybillxfilesopus.com](http://www.cybillxfilesopus.com)/. For another cool website, visit   
>  www.xfilesopus.com. She has well over 1000 MP3s recorded that will provide you with endless hours of fascination with our   
>  favorite duo and their friends. 
> 
> Beta Thanks: Love to Opus, as always, for her initial thoughts and suggestions. I couldn't have chosen a better friend and writing partner. Thanks for cheering me on even when I'm doing my solo projects. You're the best. 
> 
> Cratkinson, you are a gem in the beta world. I can't thank you enough for working on this piece. Your reassurance, comments, edits and the like, make me strive to be a better writer. I hope I'm proving that. _grin_ For anyone out there that doesn't know Cratz, she's an amazing writer and beta reader. You can find her stories at   
>  <http://www.geocities.com/cratkinsonflynn/>. Cratz, as always...you ROCK! 
> 
> **XXXXXXXXXXXX**
> 
> I wonder if I could con Scully into having dinner with me. We need some down time and I need to make up for my recent behavior. I shouldn't have said what I did. Really, I didn't mean it the way it came out. We've worked ourselves to sheer exhaustion on this case. The tension between us has been   
>  palpable. I knew I should have passed on this case when it came across my desk. Little girls, age three to be exact, had been abducted and vanished into thin air, only to be returned in a comatose state. I felt something extraterrestrial was   
>  involved. She didn't buy it. 
> 
> Later in the case, I suggested that her judgment was clouded by the loss of her daughter Emily. The daughter that was never meant to be. Stupid stupid stupid. It still pains me inside remembering how much Scully wanted that little girl to be her own. She would have been a great mother too. Again, that was not meant to be. 
> 
> I've already apologized to her repeatedly, to no avail. She forgave me; I expected nothing less from her. She's a forgiving person, but still, I know what I said stung. God, when am I ever going to get things right with her? It seems as if I'm always screwing something up when all I really want is to get closer to her. To have those walls around her heart and emotions crumble down in an explosion of her undying love for me. I laugh out loud at that thought. That is a bit melodramatic even for you, Mulder. Still, I need to make it up to her. Maybe dinner would be the best place to start. 
> 
> I walk down the hall, catching a glimpse of her fiery hair up ahead. She's dressed in a black suit that molds to her toned form. The skirt of said suit is about two inches above the knee with a slit on the side. She's leaning most of her weight on her left leg, leaving the slit on the right leg to ride up, giving me a nice expanse of Scully thigh to admire. 
> 
> My partner is hot. 
> 
> The best thing about her beauty is that she doesn't even know it. I know it and   
>  appreciate it greatly. 
> 
> She's talking to another agent, leaning over his desk discussing something in a file. What's his name? Craig Drummonds, yeah that's right. She's going over an autopsy report he asked her to consult on. 
> 
> They're laughing. Her back is to me but I could hear that laugh a mile away. It's a rarity with my partner. I slow my pursuit when Craig leans into her personal space, his left hand coming up and holding her forearm. She laughs again. Getting a little closer I hear the tail end of the joke. Apparently he thought something utterly ridiculous had happened to the victim and Scully set him straight. They both laughed at his naivete in the wonderful world of pathology. Okay, he's harmless. Then why hasn't he removed his hand from her arm or moved out of her personal space? I move a bit closer, using the water fountain to hide my eavesdropping. 
> 
> "So, Agent Scully," he laughs. "Do you mind if I call you Dana? Agent Scully seems so formal." He's still touching her arm. He moves that hand and I swear I'm going to have no other choice but to break it. 
> 
> "Sure. It's Craig right?" she says, still a bit breathless from laughing. 
> 
> "Craig it is," he replies. "Dana, I really appreciate you coming all the way up here to consult on this. The ME that did the   
>  examination wasn't here and I was baffled. Thank you for saving me a weekend full of irritation." He cocks his head to the side and she smiles back at him. Is she flirting with him? She can't be. Not Scully. 
> 
> "It's no problem, Craig. Really, anytime." She closes the file and moves out of his reach. Craig's arm drops but he steps back into her space. What the hell is he doing? 
> 
> "So, Dana, I was thinking if you weren't busy," she looks up, "maybe I could repay you by taking you out to dinner." He's asking her out. She's smiling back at him. My entire body goes into alert mode. My heart starts beating rapidly and my   
>  temperature rises to a stifling degree. Say no, Scully, say no! She looks down and thinks about it for a moment. She wouldn't! 
> 
> "Craig, that's really sweet of you. I'd love to..." 
> 
> With that comment, I turn around and make my way swiftly down the hallway, not waiting to hear her acceptance. How could she? I   
>  thought there was something between us. Why now? Why the hell would she accept an   
>  invitation to dinner from someone she's just barely met? That's not like her. She's upset with me. That's got to be the reason. I can't believe this is happening. I need to get the hell out of here. I don't want to be in the basement when she comes down to tell me she's going out with pretty boy Craig Drummonds. That would kill me. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Mulder's Apartment  
> 7:30 p.m.
> 
> I slam the door and throw my coat towards the rack. It flies through the air and falls to the floor. I don't care. To hell with it. To hell with everything. Scully's got a date. A date with a man who isn't me. 
> 
> I walk over to the stereo and insert the Radiohead CD I picked up several years back after hearing this particular song. The song spoke to me, and I didn't want to admit the reason why. I know now. I skip through the tracks until I hear the tell-tale guitar that signals the beginning of my selfloathing.   
>  I set the CD cover on the coffee   
>  table and pick up the yellow tablet sitting there. I scrawl the first word, the name of the song on the top of the page. "CREEP" 
> 
> _When you were here before_
> 
> I should have just interrupted them. Maybe then she wouldn't have accepted his   
>  invitation. Christ, I'm such a coward. 
> 
> _Couldn't look you in the eye_
> 
> I scribble my thoughts onto the yellow pad of paper. I do this often; write to her. It's always for her, even if she'll never get the chance to read the words. Plus, it helps release the anger I have built up since leaving the office. Why, Scully, why? How could you do that to me? To us? Oh yeah, there is no us. 
> 
> <I've wanted to tell you for so long now, I can even speak the words. I've rehearsed them in my head countless times. Why can't I just tell you that I can't live without you? That I can't go an entire day without   
>  seeing, or speaking to you.>
> 
> I'm pathetic. 
> 
> *You're just like an angel...your skin makes me cry* 
> 
> <I've never met anyone as beautiful as you. I look at you and I see a halo of light surrounding your form. You glow in my eyes. I wish you could see what I see. You hide your beauty and body in dark suits, but I see through the facade.>
> 
> And now that light will be seen by someone else. Craig Drummonds. The guy makes me sick. He's a regular pretty boy. It's as if he spent hours getting ready for work each morning. Me, yeah, I have several nice suits that I put on an average body. Apparently not what she's looking for in a man. 
> 
> *You float like a feather...in a beautiful world* 
> 
> <In my mind, you are all that is good. Your presence in my life gives me meaning,   
>  purpose.>
> 
> _And I wish I was special_
> 
> <You deserve better than me, and what I can give you. Everyone that meets you knows how important you are to this world.>
> 
> She is the most important person in my life and now she's dating. I'll never have my chance. I know now that I missed it. God, how could I have fucked up something so important to me? Why didn't I just stroll up to her before pretty boy Craig could even utter an invitation to dinner? I waited too long. My stomach is turning and I feel like I'm going to be sick. This always happens. Any time I've ever thought about her with another man, I feel like vomiting. Mulder, you could have at least broken down and apologized for the hurtful words you said to her. Really apologized that is. Instead of a handful of pitiful attempts saying "I'm sorry, Scully." Then maybe she wouldn't be with him. 
> 
> _You're so fuckin' special_
> 
> <You will always be perfect to me. Special can't describe what you are. The word pales in comparison to all that you have given just me, one out of so many that have been touched by your compassion.>
> 
> She will now touch another. It may not happen tonight, or tomorrow, but soon. She'll get swept away, fall in love, and live the life she should be living. I cringe at the thought and will myself not to pout. But she's my Scully I want to scream. I saw her first! But, childish grumbling won't bring her back. She's made her choice, and it's not me. 
> 
> _But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo_
> 
> <They call me Spooky. They're right. Creep and weirdo fit just the same. You deserve better than a creep.>
> 
> She has found better. I'm not going to tell her of my feelings. It won't matter. She's already moved on. Why bother? I'm nothing but a friend and coworker to her. 
> 
> _What the hell am I doing here?_
> 
> <If I wasn't so selfish, I would leave. I'd leave you and everything that your   
>  involvement with me has brought upon your life. Then maybe you'd be able to move on to the things you were meant to do. But I'm too selfish to ask you to leave me. I need you too much.>
> 
> Sad. I am one sorry son-of-a-bitch, to quote her big brother Bill. He knew then what I have come to realize now. 
> 
> _I don't belong here_
> 
> <Why am I here? To find my sister. That was my reason before. Now I live to be a part of your world.>
> 
> My sister...Sam. Only the first female taken away from me. Every female I'm involved with in one way or another ends up leaving. Why do I even try? I guess you could say I really haven't tried. The thought takes my sickness one step further and tears start to form in my eyes. With Scully, I didn't try to love her. It just came up one day and hit me in the head like a baseball bat. I was done for. I can't even pinpoint the moment it happened. At one point, I just knew. 
> 
> _I don't care if it hurts_
> 
> <Everything hurts. I just don't want you to hurt anymore.>
> 
> Seeing her laughing today with Craig,   
>  knowing that I haven't made her laugh like that in a long time, makes me see things differently. She should be happy. He put that smile on her face, not me. Maybe he deserves her attention, her love...her trust. What have I done to deserve any of those things? Nothing. 
> 
> _I want to have control_
> 
> <If I had control, you'd never feel the pain you've felt during our time together. I don't think anything is worth what you've had to endure because of our partnership, possibly even our friendship as a whole.>
> 
> I don't have control over my feelings when it comes to her. She owns me and she doesn't even know it. I haven't told her and by the looks of it, I probably never will. The pain in my stomach reaches excruciating, and I keel over and take several deep breaths to calm the storm building within me. 
> 
> *I want a perfect body...I want a perfect soul* 
> 
> <You're perfect to me. I couldn't imagine you any different than you are. I taint your existence.>
> 
> Her reputation gets worse as the years go by. She has become Mrs. Spooky, and she's done nothing but try to give our work   
>  credibility. 
> 
> _I want you to notice...when I'm not around_
> 
> <Do you think about me when we're not at work? Are your thoughts full of pity for me and our quest? Do you miss me like I miss you? I doubt it.>
> 
> She probably sighs in relief every time she gets in her car after a work day. Me, I can hardly sit still. I have nothing besides work to keep me occupied. Sometimes I count the hours until I'll see her again. 
> 
> _You're so fuckin' special_
> 
> <You have no idea how important you are to me. It's pathetic the power you hold over me.>
> 
> If she only knew, if she only knew. It doesn't matter though, she's moved on by accepting that one invitation for dinner. There are no second chances. 
> 
> _I wish I was special_
> 
> <I wish I was special for you.>
> 
> I wonder what it is she wants. I know it's not me, but is it guys like Craig? Is it the pretty boy, follow-the-book kind of man she's looking for? 
> 
> _But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo_
> 
> <The longer you stay with me, the deeper you become intertwined with my failures. You're precious name is being ruined every second you stay. Why haven't you left?>
> 
> Why has she stayed? Loyalty, work ethic, finishing something she's started? All of these could be possible answers, but I'm not in that list. 
> 
> *What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here* 
> 
> <You are the only reason I stay. I know that now. I would have ended it long ago. Whether by my own hand or by my carelessness in the field. You've kept me alive.>
> 
> She's saved my ass countless times. I'll never have a better partner. That's all she'll ever be. It could be enough. My stomach hurts less and I can breathe more easily. I'm coming to terms with what I had considered her transgression against us. It's not us, it's me. 
> 
> *She's running out again...she's running out...she's run run run running out ...* 
> 
> <Eventually you'll leave me, everybody does in the end. I am incapable of a healthy relationship.>
> 
> She deserves the world and I can't give it to her. She won't be alone for long. She'll find the perfect man. Maybe he'll be able to give her the miracle children she wants. Maybe that man is Craig. 
> 
> *Whatever makes you happy...whatever you want* 
> 
> <If only I could make you happy. I wouldn't even know how. Would you even accept it if I tried?>
> 
> She wouldn't. She doesn't love me like I love her. I know she cares a great deal for me; she wouldn't put herself on the line day after day if she didn't. Love, however, is a lost hope for me. 
> 
> *You're so fuckin' special...I wish I was special ...* 
> 
> <I wish that I had even a fraction of your goodness. Maybe then it would be easier to face you.>
> 
> I'll never be special. What I have become, and what I need to be to deserve your   
>  attention, do not meet in the middle. 
> 
> _But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo_
> 
> <A creep and a weirdo, that's probably what you see when you look at me. How could you not? That's what others see. Hell, that's what I see.>
> 
> I don't even know why I put myself through this. It's just too much. 
> 
> *What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here...I don't belong here* 
> 
> <My existence is nothing without you.>
> 
> The song ends and I have nothing more to give. I set down my note pad and switch off the stereo. Maybe I should just end this here and now. Should anyone really be this unhappy? I remove my gun from its holster and set in on the table next to the note pad. I can't believe I've lost something I've always wanted, without ever having tasted the reality of it. I swipe away the tears that are forming at the corners of my eyes. 
> 
> Three knocks bring me out of my reverie. I walk over to the door and pull it open without looking through the peep hole. If it's my enemies and they're here to end the quest I started when they took my sister, then they'll save me the trouble. 
> 
> It's her. 
> 
> "What happened to you today? You left before I could even give you the final report on the case," she says as she enters. She looks different. She still glows. Everywhere she is, the surroundings seem brighter, but there's something there I hadn't noticed when I left her talking to Craig. Why is she here? I thought she had a date. 
> 
> She looks sad. Maybe she's finally going to leave me. That will be enough to justify my end. She goes over to the couch and sits down. Her hands are folded tightly in her lap and she looks as though she's been crying. If he hurt her, I'll fucking kill him. 
> 
> "Mulder can I have a glass of water?" She moves to get up and I stop her. 
> 
> "Of course, I'll get it." Entering the kitchen I head to the cabinet to get a glass. My head is reeling with all of the possible reasons she is here. I pull the gallon of water from my fridge and pour her and myself a glass. I make my way back into the living room and come to a dead stop. She's reading the notepad I left on the table. Why the hell did I leave it out? I stand completely still until she looks up at me, tears streaking down her face. I can't move. I need to change the subject. "How was your date?" I stutter out. 
> 
> She wipes her tears quickly. "Date? What date?" She looks at me as if she's confused. She still has the notepad in her hand, glancing from it to me. 
> 
> "With Craig Drummonds. I walked up as he was asking you out, but I didn't want to   
>  interrupt. The last I heard, you said you'd love to, so I figured you were going out with him." Why is she here? I wish she'd just leave me alone. 
> 
> "Is that why you left work so quickly?" I shrug in response. I don't want her to know everything, and she's still holding that damned notepad. How the hell could I be so careless as to leave it lying there? "Well Mulder, if you had stayed long enough, you would have heard that I said, "Yes, that's sweet and I'd love to, if I wasn't already spoken for." She looks up at me, her eyes widened in a shocked manner. Apparently, she just let something slip that she didn't mean to. At least that's my guess. What was it? Oh God, it can't be! She's already spoken for? Who the HELL is it this time! I was just coming to terms with the thought of her with pretty boy Craig. 
> 
> I want to die. How can this be happening? Is it possible to not know anything about your partner of five years? 
> 
> She changes the subject from her admission to the tablet in her hands. She shakes it. "This is about me?" she quietly questions. I can't answer her. This must be what one would feel when they have been scared to death. Her voice is louder this time.   
>  "Mulder, did you write this about me?" she implores. 
> 
> "Scully, you weren't supposed to see that." I try to grab it from her hands. She's too quick and cuts me off with a wave of her hand. 
> 
> "I asked you if this is about me," she says more sternly. I take the coward's way out and just nod in the affirmative. "Why?" The question is spoken with a hint of awe in her voice. I set her glass of water down in front of her and proceed to drink half of mine, stalling as much as possible. 
> 
> "You want to know why?" She nods yes   
>  tentatively. "What do you care? Besides, why are you here, Scully, if you're spoken for as you so nicely put it? Doesn't this   
>  unknown man get upset that you're always with your partner?" I ask somewhat snidely. I just want her to leave so I can wallow in my own pain. 
> 
> She lowers her head and her shoulders quake. She's crying. "That's just it, Mulder." I don't understand. She tilts her head up a bit, her hair hiding most of her face. "When Craig asked me out, I was shocked. Then I automatically declined by telling him I was spoken for." Her admission is not helping my psychosis right now. My stomach starts turning once again and I clench my hands into tight fists. She sniffs and continues, "But I realized, as I was heading down to the basement, that I really wasn't spoken for. That I had confused what was between us" she points between her and I, "for something else." She looks up and moves her hair out of her face. 
> 
> This can't be happening. She takes long deep breaths, choking back her tears and   
>  struggles to continue. "Then I come here to discuss the shift between us, hoping that maybe we could try and get back to where we were heading before this last case." She felt the change in our relationship too. I thought it was one-sided. "Then when you went into the kitchen, I looked down and started reading this." She picks up the tablet showing it to me as if it wasn't already burning a hole through my heart. "Why, Mulder?" 
> 
> "Look Scully, it's just something I do when I'm feeling down. It's an outlet, it doesn't mean anything. Honestly, it's just pathetic. I'm sorry you read that. I didn't mean for you to see it." I take a quick peek in her direction and she's not looking at me. She's staring at the coffee table, re-reading the words that will end my existence through the tears in her eyes. I sit on the couch next to her. I reach out my hands to touch her but pull back at the last minute, unsure. Everything I've ever wanted is a touch away and I'm afraid to reach for it. I lean my elbows on my knees, putting my head into my hands with sheer finality. 
> 
> "It's something I learned during profiling," I start to explain. "Sometimes the strangest things need to be expelled from your mind, so that they can make sense later. As you can see, it doesn't make sense." God I can't believe I'm having this conversation with her. If it wasn't over before, it's over now. I'll never be able to show my face in front of her again. This goes beyond being embarrassed or mortified. 
> 
> She lifts up the CD case from the coffee table, reading the back. "I know the song, you know? The one you were writing to. It's Creep by Radiohead." She points at the title on the case. I nod in agreement. "Missy introduced me to them not long before she was killed." Great, just what I wanted to do, remind her of the sister that was taken from her because of her association with me. What next? 
> 
> "I'm sorry, Scully." She looks at me then, swiping tears from her eyes with her   
>  fingertips. 
> 
> "You're sorry, Mulder? For what?" She looks at me searchingly. I take a deep breath and continue. 
> 
> "For your sister, for what I said on the case ..." my breath hitches, "for everything Scully. For everything," I repeat. We sit there in silence for what seems like   
>  eternity, but which in actuality is probably just a few minutes. She finally breaks the silence. 
> 
> "Did you mean it?" she says in a shaky voice. She looks at me with those soulful blue eyes and I just stare at her. "What you wrote, Mulder. Did you mean it?" she asks again upon my silence. My heart is breaking. I search her eyes for any type of malicious intent and find none. I can't lie to her. Her lip quivers. It's the slightest movement but I see it. There's no going back now. 
> 
> "Yes," I answer. It comes out as a whisper. Fresh tears fall from her eyes. 
> 
> "Do you love me, Mulder?" Now she's biting her bottom lip. 
> 
> "Scully..." She cuts me off, knowing I'm trying to avoid her questioning. 
> 
> "I think after this," she points to the tablet lying on the table, which might as well be my epitaph, "I have a right to know." She looks directly into my eyes, keeping me from turning my gaze away. "Do you love me?" she repeats more strongly. 
> 
> "More than anything," I say so quietly I'm not sure if she heard me. I look into her eyes nervous as to her reaction. 
> 
> "That's good," she says as her voice hitches and she takes a deep breath, letting it out between her lips slowly. What did she mean good? Good because she feels the same? Good because I don't have a chance in hell with her? I have to know. I'm going to go for broke here. 
> 
> "Good? Why good?" I barely get out, fear creeping its way into my muddled brain. 
> 
> "Because I love you." She's clasping and unclasping her hands. I reach out and take hold of them. She looks at me and I'm   
>  searching her face for the truth in her statement. She nods her head up and down, knowing that I need confirmation. She grips my hands harder. 
> 
> "That's why I came over here, Mulder. I was tired of knowing how unhappy we both were, and then Craig asked me out and I felt horrible. I wanted to scream. I declined his invitation and rushed down to the basement and you weren't there. I knew something was wrong. I just had a sense that something wasn't quite right." Tears stream down her face again. "I just felt like I was losing you and I didn't know why, or what was taking you away from me. Now I know what you were thinking." I swipe the endless trail of tears running down her cheeks as my heart fills with a hope it's never felt before. She loves me. Amazing. I look at her with utter awe. 
> 
> "I knew there was something Mulder, I just knew it. Don't leave me. I couldn't bear it after everything we've been through   
>  together." She's at a full sob. Boy, I'm glad she didn't know how much of a downward spiral my evening had taken after seeing her with Craig. 
> 
> "I won't," I promise her. If she wants me, I'll never leave. I'll do everything in my power to keep her with me. She shakes her head up and down trying to compose herself. 
> 
> "So what now?" she says softly. What now? Life has just begun for me. I have a new purpose, I have Scully's love. I don't answer her but raise my hands to the side of each cheek, wipe away the last of her tears, and move my face closer to hers. Her eyes widen and she licks her lips, preparing for what this moment has brought us. 
> 
> I lightly touch my lips to hers, tentative at first but increasing the pressure slowly. She moves her hands around my neck, pulling my face closer to hers, and slants her head to the side. I open my mouth and lick her bottom lip, then bring it into my mouth. My senses are on overload. I'm kissing Scully. 
> 
> She opens her mouth easily and sucks my top lip into the wet heat of her own mouth. The world around us stops. Nothing can break the connection I have with this woman at this moment in time. I'm kissing Scully, my Scully I remind myself. And God - the women can kiss. She leans into me, moaning. I love her I love her I love her. 
> 
> The kiss goes on and we learn quickly what the other likes best, based on our breaths and moans. She's not letting me move away from her mouth. She's holding me so tightly to her, I don't know if you could figure out where I begin and she ends. I'd happily be fused to her forever. 
> 
> She pulls away, leaning her forehead against mine. I've got the biggest grin on my face and I can't stop smiling and touching her. My hands slide up and down her back in soothing strokes. I hope it's soothing her as much as it is me. I have her now. We're both panting heavily. She licks her lips frantically. 
> 
> "Mulder, I can't believe this is happening," she says breathlessly between gasps of air. 
> 
> "I can't believe we haven't done this   
>  before. So many wasted years, Scully. So many," I whisper into her ear. She shivers as my lips trail from her ear down her jaw, bestowing feather-light kisses on each new expanse of skin I come across. 
> 
> She pulls away, gripping my cheeks and waiting for my gaze to reach hers. Our eyes lock onto one another. "Mulder, you know this is going to change everything." Her voice is just a whisper. 
> 
> It's my turn to be serious, and I clasp her cheeks in my palms, my thumbs lightly brush across her cheekbones. "Promise?" I tell her reverently. I want this more than anything; I think my question proves that. Her eyes sparkle and she gives me one of her 1000 watt smiles. She's so beautiful when she smiles. 
> 
> "I love you," she whispers again. I stand up, pulling her with me until she's   
>  standing. I walk slowly to my bedroom   
>  holding her hand. She's trailing behind me tentatively. I can't do this if she isn't sure. Maybe it's not the right time. I mean we did just have the biggest conversation of our lives. I should probably take it a little slower. 
> 
> I sit her down on the bed. Her chest is rising and falling more rapidly than normal. I skim the side of her face with the   
>  knuckles of my hand. She leans into the touch, her mouth opening slightly. She turns her head and kisses my palm. She's so   
>  beautiful. I've never seen her like this. 
> 
> "Scully, we don't have to go here right now." I wave my hand across the bed she's perched on. Her face turns into a grimace. "We can move as slowly as you want. I'm just so happy you're here, I feel a huge weight has been lifted off of me, of us. We can finally be free to tell each other what we've always hidden." I can tell she wants this as much as I do, but she's also scared and I don't want her feel fear on our first time together. It has to be perfect. 
> 
> "Scully, what are you afraid of?" I ask with concern evident in my tone of voice. Her gaze falls to a point near her feet on the floor. 
> 
> "It not working," she replies unsteadily, not looking at me. I lift it her chin   
>  lightly, forcing her to look me in the eyes. 
> 
> "You know what I'm most afraid of?" She shakes her head no in my hand. "I'm afraid of our never knowing how good it could be." I confide in her what I've always wondered myself. That comment must have hit home because she stands up quickly and crushes her mouth to mine. 
> 
> The kiss turns hot quickly. So much for her being afraid. She's clawing at my dress shirt, frantic to remove the buttons. She reaches her goal and her hands skim over my naked chest seductively. So good. Her hands are like a balm to my abused soul. I swear I'm going to worship her like the goddess she truly is to me. 
> 
> My hands slide down to grope her ass,   
>  squeezing tightly. She moans into my mouth and I kiss her with all the love and passion I've been storing over the years. I move my hands under the back of her blouse and touch the place that has always been mine, her lower back. Christ, she is so soft. Her skin is like silk against mine. I must have more. 
> 
> She must be thinking the same thing because she deftly pulls the buttons from the holes in her blouse, opening it and letting it fall to the floor. 
> 
> So much skin. 
> 
> I drop to my knees, pressing my lips against the smooth skin of her stomach. The muscles of her abdomen flutter under my   
>  ministrations. I glide my tongue up her torso stopping to place wet kisses against the tops of her satin-covered breasts. I support her weight by her waist as her head tips back, offering her neck. Like nectar for the Gods. I take the invitation   
>  graciously and continue my journey. This woman is mine now. The need to mark her as such is overwhelming. 
> 
> Finding the spot of skin where her neck meets her shoulder, I bite down and suck with all my might. She yelps and grips my biceps with each hand, her nails digging into the tender flesh. It's only fair. I suck one last time and lap at the bruised area, softly easing the sting. I move my head back to look at my work, smiling   
>  devilishly. She opens her eyes, dilated to almost pure back. A small ring of blue is barely visible in them. 
> 
> "You just had to mark me," she says   
>  knowingly. 
> 
> I'm barely able to contain my desire for her. "Mine," I utter through clenched teeth. I've been reduced to primal grunts. Great. 
> 
> "Yes," she says as she sits on the bed and then scoots back, lying down. Mine, I think again. I pull off her heels first; they drop to the floor with a clunk. I slide my hands up her nylon-encased legs, moving slowly up each limb. Small moans and sighs come from her mouth and it's music to my ears. I never thought I'd be able to touch her like this. Hell, I never thought I'd be looking at this. I vow to myself to show her what she means to me, now and for the rest of my days. 
> 
> I clasp the zipper located on the side of her skirt and pull it open. She lifts her hips up suggestively and I pull it and her nylons down in one fell swoop. I stand, unbuckling the belt around my slacks and let them drop to the floor. She leans up on her elbows, eyes half closed, lips parted   
>  slightly, legs opened invitingly. 
> 
> Chest heaving, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The pale pink satin bra and matching panties give her an angelic aura I've always pictured her having in my dreams. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to repress the urge to ravish her. 
> 
> This needs to be slow. I need to show her how much she means to me and a quick fuck isn't what either of us is looking for. I first slide my hands up each dainty ankle, lifting her left leg and kissing it softly. She sighs and her eyes close for a moment. Slowly, I lean onto the mattress, kissing my way up her body reverently. She starts to quiver as I hover over her form. Her eyes open and I kiss her the same moment skin touches skin. She moans into my opened mouth. 
> 
> I kiss her until I can no longer breathe and back away looking at her flushed face as we take long breaths. I sweep my hand lightly over her face. "Scully," I say almost in thanks for an answered prayer. Her eyes tear slightly. 
> 
> "I know. God, Mulder, I know," she says into my mouth as she wraps her legs around my waist and grinds her center into mine. Even in boxers the motion is electric. I won't be able to contain my desire for long. I kiss her neck and the mark I left. I slide my fingers up her thighs, squeezing her ass, pressing her lower body into mine once again. She moans and closes her eyes. I lift my upper body up, resting my weight on my knees as I slide my hands from her tiny waist up to her breasts. 
> 
> Perfect handfuls. My handfuls from now on. Her head moves from side to side as I   
>  squeeze them, swiping my thumbs over the taut peaks. I unclip the front clasp of her bra and she is bared to me. 
> 
> I thought she was beautiful clothed. Naked, she's unbelievably perfect. Her pale skin has no imperfections. The soft pink of her nipples against the white skin of the rest of her body is effectively making my head spin. I had no idea she would be this   
>  amazing. Her nipples peek out invitingly and I move my head down, taking the tip of one into my mouth. Her back arches and her hands fly into my hair, pinning me to this spot. Not that I had any desire to leave. She smells of vanilla and almonds rolled into one intoxicating smell and taste. I flick the tip of her nipple and blow a stream of air onto it. She moans loudly and her nipple tightens further. The action goes straight to my groin. I moan into her breast and bite the tip lightly. She groans loudly. 
> 
> God, I'm painfully hard and I rub my boxerclad length against her thigh suggestively   
>  to release some of the pressure. She moves her thigh in counter point to my movements. The friction is perfect. Jesus, if I don't drown in her soon, I'll surely die. I move my hips away from her leg, not wanting this to end this too soon. I make my way to the other breast and administer the same   
>  attention to it as I did on the first. She's constantly moaning my name in hushed   
>  whispers, but I can hear them. 
> 
> Moving down her body I place worshiping kisses on her ribs and abdomen. I swirl my tongue around her navel. "Oh God, yes," she whispers. I take note of that reaction for a later date. After leaving a wet trail down her belly, I slip my fingers into the pink satin panties and pull them down. Once they are off, I part her thighs and look up to her face. She holds my gaze as I move closer to her center, making my direction obvious in case she's not ready for this. She waits, mouth open, her breaths coming in short pants. I blow lightly on her center and she licks her lips. That was the most erotic thing I've ever seen. 
> 
> Her level of sexiness just shot up one hundred notches. Fuck, I'm never going to let her out of my sight again. She's   
>  waiting patiently for me to make a move. Hmmmmm...teasing can be good, I see. I lean my head down in slow motion. She holds her breath as I breathe her in. Oh God, she smells like heaven. Hell, she is my personal heaven. I tentatively snake out my tongue and with the flat of it, lap her lightly. She takes a full breath in and her head plummets back to the mattress. 
> 
> I slowly open her and begin to tongue her in earnest. Her taste is like nothing I've ever experienced. Rich and sweet like a full bodied merlot. I can't get enough. I   
>  continue my ministrations and insert one digit into her wet heat. Her hips jerk up, pushing me farther into her. She gyrates against my hand and mouth. Her lips open and she starts saying "Mulder, Mulder, Mulder," in what one could only consider to be a mantra. It comes in second to her admitting her love for me as the best thing I've ever heard from those sweet lips. I growl into her center, hook my finger to the patch of tender muscle within her, and set my lips over her clit. I suck hard on the tiny bundle and that mantra turns into a fullbellied wail. She comes hard around my   
>  finger as the rest of her body quakes. I ride it out with her, wanting it to last as long as possible. 
> 
> Finally, the motion of her body comes to a halt and I slowly remove my finger. She opens her eyes and looks up at me. At that moment, I insert my finger into my mouth and taste her release. "So good," I whisper, eyes closed and savoring the moment. 
> 
> "Christ, Mulder, I need you now." Never had to tell me twice. I sit up and remove my boxers. She sits up and grasps my dick in her hand. I gulp back the string of dirty talk that springs to mind. 
> 
> "Oh, yes, Scully." She grins and slides her hand up and down my length, pumping me into a state of sheer oblivion. I clasp my hands around her forearms and flop her back down under me. She laughs. See, my Scully laughs with me. We just have to be in the right place. This is most definitely the right place; her under me, naked, flushed from an orgasm I gave her. Me. I kiss her and she stops laughing to tangle her tongue with mine. 
> 
> We kiss for what seems like hours until she breaks away. "Mu..lll..ddeer..rrr." She draws out my name. "I can't wait." She opens her legs and hooks them behind my thighs,   
>  brushing against my penis. We moan in unison at the touch. I slip my hand down between us, resting my weight on my elbow and guide my length toward her. I slip just the head inside of her heat. She moans and tries to bring my hips closer. 
> 
> "I love you," I whisper into her panting mouth and slide all the way into her. 
> 
> "Oh my God, Mulder, Mulder, Mulder," she says. The mantra again. I must be doing something right. I hold still for a moment, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have joined with Scully. Scully! Her hands race up and down my back in sweet caresses. I pull out of her slowly and slide back home. We both groan loudly. 
> 
> I pick up the pace and steadily move in and out of her, tipping my hips when my body meets hers, crushing her clit between us on each thrust. My entire body feels hot and heavy moving within her. A small sheen of sweat is visible on her brow. God, she's beautiful. I'll love her forever. My groin tightens painfully and I slow my thrusts. I want her to be with me; to fall into the abyss of pleasure together. She's panting and screwing her eyes tightly shut. 
> 
> "Scully...Scully, look at me." It takes a moment for the fog to lift and her features soften as she opens her endless blue eyes. The colors are swirling and her mouth is opening and shutting, but words are not being released. I speed up my thrusts and lock my eyes onto hers. 
> 
> "Love you, love you, love you," she says as I dive into her depths. I can't hold out. I quickly slip my hand between us and twirl two fingers around her moist clit. She convulses and screams with delight as her orgasm washes over her. Her internal muscles pull on my cock tightly and finally I go over the edge with her. 
> 
> One last, "Oh yes, Scully," and I'm   
>  completely spent, falling onto her in a heap of jellied limbs and muscles. She tightens her grip around me and places wet kisses against my brow, shoulder, and neck. Just about anywhere she can reach in the position I've pinned her in. She doesn't seem to mind. She hasn't loosened her death grip around my hips anyway. 
> 
> Grudgingly, I pull away from her and flip us over. Her head lands in the crook of my neck and her leg skims over my leg and rests between us. Aw, this is the life. Sated, happy, and the woman of my dreams nestled in my arms. Does it get any better than this? Not for me. 
> 
> I'm just about to fall asleep when Scully speaks, her lips brushing my ear. "Mulder?" 
> 
> "Hmmm..." I say sleepily while lightly sweeping my fingertips up the smooth skin of her back. Jeez, even after a roll in the hay she's still unbelievable soft. 
> 
> "You're not a creep." She punctuates her statement with a kiss to my temple. My body goes tight at her words. 
> 
> "I'm sorry you read that, Scully. But I'm not sorry for its outcome." 
> 
> She smoothes her hand up and down my chest, twirling her fingers within the hair she finds there. "I'm not," she says swiftly. I stay quiet hoping she'll let sleeping dogs lie. "What you wrote Mulder, it was so, so..." She can't find the words. 
> 
> "Morbid?" I answer for her. She shakes her head yes against my chest. "Sometimes it's how I feel. Or how I felt," I add for her benefit, leaving no question as to the importance of what just happened between us. 
> 
> "Well, things are different now." Was that worry I heard in her tone? Oh, please don't tell me she's having second thoughts. It's too late for me now, the minute I entered her there was no going back for me. 
> 
> "Is that a bad thing?" I tread lightly. 
> 
> "Mulder, how can you even suggest that?" She lifts her head off my chest and searches my eyes. The honestly within is earthshattering. 
> 
> "I didn't mean to suggest anything. I just...oh hell, Scully, I don't know how to   
>  respond. You read something that was about you, but not meant for you to ever read." She shakes her head in agreement but doesn't say anything. "Then we admit we love each other, make love, and you bring it up? What am I supposed to say?" 
> 
> "Mulder, I just don't want you doing   
>  anything, or think anything negative about yourself or your place within my life ever again." She looks down and puts her hand over my heart. "You're everything to me too, you know?" Well no, I didn't know, but I do now. 
> 
> I haul her on top of me and try to kiss her senseless. She pulls away, breathless, and stares into my eyes. "I'm never going to tire of kissing you or hearing you tell me how you feel." She grins and leans her chin on my chest. 
> 
> "So, what now, Mulder? Where do we go from here?" She sounds a little unsure. It's rare when Scully doesn't have a well-thought-out plan, but then again, we did just drop the "love bomb" on each other tonight. 
> 
> "I don't know. All I do know is that I can't go back to the way it was. You were right when you said things are different now." 
> 
> She shakes her head. "I agree, and I   
>  couldn't go back either." She kisses her way from my chest, up my neck, and nuzzles my ear. "I think we should just take it one day at a time." I nod in agreement. "Besides, we have all the way until work on Monday to think it through, and we're going to be very, very busy." She grinds her hips into mine. 
> 
> "I like the way you work." I grip her hips and press her into my groin. 
> 
> "Tell me something I don't know," she   
>  whispers seductively into my ear and nips the sensitive cartilage. 
> 
> "You're the hottest thing I've ever seen." She stops kissing me, lifts away and   
>  searches my face for the truth, while   
>  sitting in my lap. "Seriously, Scully the real thing is so much better than what I'd imagined. God, your smell, the way you taste..." I lick my lips for emphasis and she blushes, but her nipples peak and I can feel her arousal. I pump my hips up to let her feel what she does to me and her look of surprise isn't missed. 
> 
> "Damn Mulder, for a man close to forty, I'm impressed." 
> 
> "It's you, all you," I tell her honestly. 
> 
> "I love you, Mulder," she says and swoops in for a kiss before I can return the   
>  sentiment. She pulls away and puts her fingers over my lips so I can't speak. 
> 
> "Enough words, just show me," she says into my mouth as she kisses me. So that is   
>  exactly what I do. 
> 
> The End 
> 
> The song "Creep" by Radiohead is off the album Pablo Honey. If you don't own it, I recommend purchasing it. No infringement is intended.   
>    
> 
> 
> #### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Cybill


End file.
